The other day I went to pick up Chinese food from a local restaurant. (Mmmmm....takeout!) Between getting my food, paying, and leaving, I think we said "Thank you" a minimum of eight times.
Now, I write realistic fiction, and though I am, admittedly, a newbie, I do know that this is not the most exciting dialogue in the world:
I paid for my meal. "Thank you," I said, handing the machine back.
"Thanks," Mary responded, taking the machine and placing it beside the basket of fortune cookies.
"Thank you," I said, taking the food from Amy's hands. Amy had just walked through the swinging doors from the kitchen, holding two bags brimming with take-out containers.
"Thanks so much!" she said, handing me the bags. "Here," she added, throwing in two handfuls of fortune cookies.
"Oh thank you!" I said in response, laughing in that polite way that people do when engaging in small talk or large quantities of fortune cookies. I also didn't want to explain that this meal, which should surely feed six, was just for two. Hey, we planned on leftovers.
You get the idea. Now not only is that quite possibly the most Canadian stereotype of dialogue ever (well, it would have been, had the takeout bags contained poutine instead of ginger beef), but it is simply not that interesting.
I love realistic fiction, and I love personal narrative. Both genres take the every day, put it under a microscope, and then throw it onto a page. But even in the most honest, realistic lifelike writing, you don't want to be too realistic.
So how do we walk that line between realistic, but not too realistic?
1. Say the words out loud.
I have noticed that I write like I talk a lot of the time, but only by reading aloud have I noticed just how often I use certain words, like "so", for example. I'm working on it, I promise.
2. Listen to how people talk.
More people use conjunctions than not. That doesn't mean all of your characters have to use conjunctions all the time, though.
I don't like to end sentences with prepositions, even when I speak. So for me, the sentence, "I have no idea of what you are speaking" might make sense (depending on context - getting to that in a moment). For most people, though, that sounds ridiculous, and it is way more realistic to say, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
3. Pay attention to context. (Told you I would get to it!)
People speak differently to their friends than their sweethearts, differently to their coworkers than their parents. I speak differently to different friends, even.
But people are also influenced by their emotions when they talk. In the previous example, if I was calmly talking to a student, I might say, "I have no idea of what you are speaking." But, if I am yelling at the TV during a hockey game, I might take a break to mutter that, based on a not-great call, "The Ref clearly has no freaking idea what he's talking about."
4. Don't write every single thing down.
Ignore some of the times you want to say "like", "um", even "so". Or, in the case of picking up my food, ignore all the "thank yous".
You only want to include what matters, to the character's voice and the situation. The chances are, if the dialogue isn't developing character or moving the plot or reinforcing theme, you probably don't need it.
5. Make the pacing fit the characters and the situation.
Mix some action in with your dialogue if the situation calls for it. If there is a heated argument, though, maybe it makes more sense to have quick back and forth, with little description breaking up the reader's focus.
Look at the example I gave at the beginning of this post. Paying attention to my rules above, let me try rewriting it, pretending that it was somehow significant enough to warrant it being reported in the first place.
I paid for my meal and handed the machine back to Mary. She waited at the counter, smiling the requisite smile and mumbling the requisite appreciation dictated by polite society.
It was then that Amy came through the swinging doors from the kitchen, all smiles, holding two bags brimming with take-out containers.
"Thank you," I said, fumbling as she passed the bags to me. No sooner were the bags in my hand than she reached over the nearby basket, grabbing two handfuls of fortune cookies and throwing them into the bag nearest her.
"Oh thank you!" I repeat, laughing in that small, polite way that people do when engaging in small talk or large quantities of fortune cookies. I wasn't about to explain that this meal, which should surely feed six, was just for two. Hey, we planned on leftovers.
It still definitely has room for improvement, but it is significantly better, don't you think?
What are your tips for realistic dialogue? I'd love to hear your comments about this topic, or any other, below, or you can contact me here. And don't forget to sign up for my newsletter by subscribing to my site!